Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce (June 24, 1842 – circa 1914) was an American short story writer, journalist, poet, and Civil War veteran.
Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
REFUSAL, n. Denial of something desired; Refusals are graded in a descending scale of finality thus: the refusal absolute, the refusal condition, the refusal tentative and the refusal feminine. The last is called by some casuists the refusal assentive.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.
An aged Burgundy runs with a beardless Port. I cherish the fancy that Port speaks sentences of wisdom, Burgundy sings the inspired Ode.
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Granitarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away. " Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.
OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground.
DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed. . . deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life.
Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.
Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient
INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.