Pamela Druckerman is an American writer and journalist living in Paris, France. In fall 2013, she became a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times International Edition.
French parents are very concerned about their kids. They know about pedophiles, allergies, and choking hazards. They take reasonable precautions. But they aren't panicked about their children's well-being. This calmer outlook makes them better at both establishing boundaries and giving their kids some autonomy.
There are no grown-ups. . . . Everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently.
Just because you're 40, you don't have to decide whether God exists. . . when you're already worrying that the National Security Agency is reading your emails, it's better not to know whether yet another entity is watching you.
The French believe that kids feel confident when they're able to do things for themselves, and do those things well. After children have learned to talk, adults don't praise them for saying just anything. They praise them for saying interesting things, and for speaking well.
There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but can confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently.
By your 40s, you don't want to be with the cool people; you want to be with your people.
The French aren't perfect, but they have some parenting secrets that really do work.
To grow up without risk is to risk not growing up.
Your first attempt will be terrible. . . . Remember that everything great you see started out as someone else's bad first draft. . . . . Whenever someone sends me a manuscript and says, 'It just flowed out of me,' I usually think: Let it flow back into you for a while.
There are no soul mates. Not in the traditional sense, at least. In my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates walking the earth. (“Yes,” said a colleague, when I informed him of this, “and I’m trying to sleep with all of them. ”) In fact, “soul mate” isn’t a pre-existing condition. It’s an earned title. They’re made over time.
When you're wondering whether she's his daughter or his girlfriend, she's his girlfriend.
To be a different kind of parent, you don't just need a different parenting philosophy. You need a very different view of what a child actually is.
You will miss out on some near soul mates. This goes for friendships, too. There will be unforgettable people with whom you have shared an excellent evening or a few days. Now they live in Hong Kong, and you will never see them again. That’s just how life is.
If you worry less about what people think of you, you can pick up an astonishing amount of information about them. You no longer leave conversations wondering what just happened. Other people's minds and motives are finally revealed.