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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Activity, Computer, Internet, Leisure, Leisure Activities, Replacing

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.

Funny, Office, Set, Think, Thinking, Truth

A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.

Funny, Winning, Lawyer, Win, Tell, Case

Any political party that includes the word 'democratic' in its name, isn't.

Democratic, Name, Names, Party, Political

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.

Differences, Lawyer, Lying, Skunk

I grew up watching my Dad, Uncles Ciaran Murray and Brendan Murray, and cousin, Aedin Murray, who were all national caliber Gaelic football players in Ireland. I try to watch as much Gaelic football as I can, it is my first love. I bleed Green, White, and Orange. Gaelic football players don’t get paid to play, you play to represent your county that is more important than earning money.

Brendan, County, Cousin, Football, Gaelic, Uncles

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

Love, Funny, Marriage, Left, Luck, Bad

Repent or be damned! If you have already repented, please disregard this notice.

Disregard, Repent, Please, Notice, Repented

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life. . . and you messed it up again.

Day, Firsts, Messed, Rest, Rest Of Your Life, Yesterday

Liliʻuokalani

Liliʻuokalani

Jeff Hanneman

Jeff Hanneman

Wilfrid

Wilfrid

Ahmed H. Zewail

Ahmed H. Zewail

Henry Simmons

Henry Simmons

Lilias Trotter

Lilias Trotter

Robert Gibbs

Robert Gibbs

Bernard Baruch

Bernard Baruch

Malvina Hoffman

Malvina Hoffman

Kurt Andersen

Kurt Andersen

Edward Burne-Jones

Edward Burne-Jones

Jim Starlin

Jim Starlin