Richard J. Needham (May 17, 1912 in Gibraltar–July 1996 in Toronto) was a Canadian humour columnist for The Globe and Mail. He previously worked at the Calgary Herald.
People are like birds - from a distance, beautiful: from close up, those sharp beaks, those beady little eyes.
Power is a drug on which the politicians are hooked. They buy it from the voters, using the voters' own money.
To create a housing shortage in a huge country, heavily wooded, with a small population -- ah, that's proof of pure political genius.
When money is seen as a solution for every problem, money itself becomes the problem.
Lovely girls are terribly insecure. They are convinced that their legs are too thick, and their bottoms are too big, and their bosoms are too small. They are conviced that their nose is the wrong shape, that their ears stick out, and that their eyes are too close together. They need a man who will tell them they are exactly right as they are. They do not believe him, but they need to hear it said.
When people are against profits they're against business; when they're against business, they're against employment; when they're against employment, it's not surprising that a large number of them are unemployed.
The ghastly thing about postal strikes is that after they are over, the service returns to normal.
People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.
Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do-fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.
The man who is brutally honest enjoys the brutality quite as much as the honesty. Possibly more.
The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
When a man tells me he's run out of steam in the sex department, I'll tell him, 'Count your blessings; you've escaped from the clutches of a cruel tyrant. Enjoy!
Love is a fever which marriage puts to bed and cures.
God punishes us mildly by ignoring our prayers and severely by answering them.
I used to look down on the world for being corrupt, but now I adore it for the utter magnificence of that corruption.
If you would have God hear you when you pray, you must hear him when he speaks.