Samuel Levenson (December 28, 1911 – August 27, 1980) was an American humorist, writer, teacher, television host, and journalist.
Never lend money to a friend. It's dangerous. It could damage his memory.
The American success formula is first to get a home of your own, then to get a car of your own so you don't have to stay in that home of your own.
If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.
The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor. "
Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.
Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.
The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
How wise are thy commandments, Lord. Each of them applies to somebody I know.
A woman's place is in the home. Why should she go out and take away a workingman's pay instead of staying home and stealing out of his jacket like a good wife.
More and more Congressmen now stay in Washington all year-round because they can't stay at home under the laws they've passed.
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.
The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy. . . . It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.
The reason God made man before woman was that he didn't want any suggestions.
Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.