The apocalypse is coming, that's the one thing I like about George Bush, I really think he can … - Patton Oswalt

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I am offering you a real commitment— a place in my life forever. Even if our relationship ended, our tie to each other never would. Let me make you a vampire, Leila, and watch decades slide by like days while you’re by my side.

Patton Oswalt

The apocalypse is coming, that's the one thing I like about George Bush, I really think he can get us into the. . . apocalypse, like the BIBLICAL. . . I really think he believes that he'll be the guy in the white hat. I think he's read the Stephen King novel The Stand a couple times, and he really thinks there's a dark man in the desert somewhere and he's gonna fight him or something.

Believe, Couple, Kings, Like, Read, Times

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But for the most part, for the majority of a stand-up audience, you better have new stuff they've not heard. And if you put an album out, just consider that material gone. At least that's how I see it.

Albums, Gone, Heard, Majority, See

With a comedian, it's the opposite. You put that album out, and they've heard it. If they're coming out to see you, you'd better be doing new stuff. There's always a tiny part of the audience that want to hear certain bits of yours, or they've brought friends to see you, and they've told them about some of your bits. Then maybe you should do them.

Albums, Comedian, Coming, Maybe, Opposites, Told

The process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once that hour is solidified and recorded, I move on.

Hours, Move, Moving, Night, Onstage, Solidified

I'm glad that that era of stand-up is over, because I think it adversely affected a lot of people who could have been really, really great comedians. Because they unconsciously or subconsciously stifled their wild impulses, and were thinking about the five clean minutes for The Tonight Show, or the 20-minute sitcom pitch as a stand-up act.

Comedian, Comedians, Glad, People, Sitcom, Thinking

I'm going to continue to try to strike a balance, because I really, really do love doing stand-up, and I don't see why it should affect the acting. And again, I'm not going, "I've got to become a dramatic actor now. " I just want more interesting jobs. I just want to keep doing stuff that's different.

Actor, Balance, Continue, Interesting, Jobs, Love