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I will employ my strength for the welfare of the German people, protect the Constitution and laws of the German people, conscientiously discharge the duties imposed on me, and conduct my affairs of office impartially and with justice to everyone.

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Gilbert Gottfried

My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young.

104, Age, Bubbie, Littles, Young
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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

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I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

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I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.

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Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.

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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

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