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After the collapse of socialism, capitalism remained without a rival. This unusual situation unleashed its greedy and - above all - its suicidal power. The belief is now that everything - and everyone - is fair game.

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Jeremy Hardy

Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.

Idea, Ideas, Practice, Theory, Work
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Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

Allowed, Clothes, Marriage, Protection, Suburbs, Witness

All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.

Body, Generally, Judgemental, News, Wave

My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

Daughter, Eleven, Pairs, Told

It seems a shallow observation, but. . . the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

Conference, Mean, People, Pollution, Village

The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.

Children, Clearly, Parents, Party, Time, War
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