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Happiness is the only sanction of life; where happiness fails, existence remains a mad and lamentable experiment.

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Bryan Callen

Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.

Carrier, Contest, Letters, Messages, Pigeons, Text
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Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.

Car, Date, Guy, Horse, Pick

I guess I am attracted to older women. I'm looking for a 40-something who has had her heart broken two or three hundred times. She's going to be fun!

Fun, Heart, Hundred, Times, Two

I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.

Celebrate, Masculinity, Onstage

There are so many hot, sexy women in L. A.

Hot, Sexy, Sexy Women, Women

My parents were really nice to me.

Nice, Parent, Parents, Really Nice
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