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I've been reading an Alabama newspaper that one man shot another man because he beat him in a Bible-quoting competition.

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Lenny Bruce

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

Combination, School, Sunday, Teacher
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Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.

Condition, Figure, Gig, Laughter, Pain, Struggle

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

Coroner, Education, Growing Up, Humorous, School, Used

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.

Admit, Alright, Atheism, Christ, Three

Never tell. Not if you love your wife. . . In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die. ' " I didn't know what I was goin' to do.

Believe, Die, Love You, Marriage, Tellin, Walks

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

Lying, Next Week, Today, Truth, Week
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