Other dogs bite only their enemies, whereas I bite also my friends in order to save them.
There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.
You worry too much. Eat some bacon. . . what? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.
If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage. . . . No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.
When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.
Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom.
On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole.
She's no longer afraid to die. What she's afraid of is living, accepting the status quo.
If all the evidence put forward for the authenticity of religious teachings originates in the past, it is natural to look round and see whether the present, about which it is easier to form judgements, may not also be able to furnish evidence of the sort. If by this means we could succeed in clearing even a single portion of the religious system from doubt, the whole of it would gain enormously in credibility.
When I was studying. . . there weren't any black concert pianists. My choices were intuitive, and I had the technique to do it. People have heard my music and heard the classic in it, so I have become known as a black classical pianist.
I love rainy and bad-weather days because this type of weather gives me a mental advantage, especially when I'm fishing in a tournament. When the weather is inclement, most fishermen start thinking of reasons why they can't catch bass. But, because I fish so often in bad weather, I'm thinking of all the reasons I can catch bass in bad weather conditions.