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I've begun to think that we sit far more than we're supposed to. . . Why else would we have feet?

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Bob Hope

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

Door, Doors, Making Love, Neighbor, Next, Time
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You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

Age, Consists, Middle, Reached, Weightlifting

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

Know, People, President, United, United States

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

Acting, Afraid, Anxious, Funny, President, See

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

Awards, House, Welcome

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

Music, Names, Personally, Play, Rubbed, Steinway
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