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Intimacy doesn't have all that much to do with backseats of cars. Real intimacy is brushing your teeth together.

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Paul Merton

My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you're giving blow jobs to transsexuals?'

Jobs, Blow, Yelling, Giving, Heckle
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Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.

Allowed, Call, Class, Obviously, Rich, Working Class

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

Disc, Edmonds, Jockeys, Noel, Stand, Talent

When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the Goons or Hancock, humour from previous generations.

Book, Goons, Listening, Previous, Reading

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.

Creating, Jokes, Remember, Remembering, Turned

I think having an outsider's viewpoint is interesting and good, especially for a comedian.

Comedian, Good, Interesting, Think, Thinking, Viewpoint
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