There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill … - Daniel Handler

Same topic Authors

Quote of the day

Public attitudes follow real life experience, and as marriage equality has spread to more communities, Americans have seen more freedom, stronger families, more protection for children and more fairness.

Daniel Handler

There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.

Clothing, Lap, Napkin, Perfect, Stain, Two

Same Author Quotes

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.

Gold, Hundreds, Mean, Steal, Traditional, Years

Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.

Writing, Men, Tales, Down, Dead

It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.

Black, Covered, Darker, Panthers, Sea

If I were to say, "Yes, I am a fascinating, erudite person," what would that say about me? I don't know.

Persons, Fascinating, Knows, Yes, Erudite

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!

Ask, Hopeful, Optimism, Say, Voice