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I go to my Room and I drink and I smoke some cigarettes and I think about her. I drink and I smoke and I think about her and at a certain point blackness comes and my memory fails me.

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Jack Paar

Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there.

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Looking back, my life seems like one long obstacle race, with me as the chief obstacle.

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Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

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I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.

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Doing the show was like painting the George Washington Bridge. As soon as you finished one end, you started right in on the other.

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I'm complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it's shredded.

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