The best way to tell somebody how to figure out how to relax the tongue is to just say, well, notice where it is when you aren't doing anything. That's the relaxed tongue. It's not about putting it somewhere. It's about letting it be where it wants to go.
Love and grief enable us to feel how we're all at heart the same. In love and grief, which is always very personal, the distinctions that separate us melt away.