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Mankind: A quality of life upgrade is available to each and every one of you. It should give you a quality of life upgrade, which means no drugs, no alcohol, no fast food - unless, of course, it's a mallard.

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Jordan Sonnenblick

Oh, good lord, Jeff. Don't go getting all emotional on me. I've been getting it from my mom, my dad, my sister, the freaking MAILMAN--I don't need it from you, too. All I ask is that you promise me one thing. ' 'What?' 'Just water the plants while I'm gone, all right?' 'You don't have plants, Tad. ' 'I know. I just always wanted to say that.

Ask, Dad, Emotional, Mom, Promise, Say
Same Author Quotes

I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.

Animal, Dog, Named, Pet, Tucked

Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls

Beautiful, Friend, Girl, Hands, Renee, Sense

Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.

Attain, Incredibly, Mind, Self, State, Tea

And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.

Change, Figured, Life, Mind, One Thing

Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?' 'Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just. . . I mean, Tad was. . . uh, nope. ' 'So what were you guys talking about?' 'Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing. . . umm. . . hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind. ' 'There's another kind?' Lindsey asked. 'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.

Complicated, Discussing, Mean, Mom, Record, Talking
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