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We are forlorn like children, and experienced like old men, we are crude and sorrowful and superficial—I believe we are lost.

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J. B. Smoove

I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see The Great Gatsby.

Gatsby, See, Suit, Suits, Suits And Ties, Ties
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You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

Motivation, Trying, Pants, Power, Crap

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.

Chance, Funny, Funny Videos, People, Site, Website

Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.

Dancer, Groove, Hip Hop, Names, Smoove, Used

My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power wash his ass, f-ck my mail up, I don't care.

Gardening, House, Life, Wife

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

Bread, Butter, Fall, Gravity, Peanut Butter, Pieces
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