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I'm convinced more than ever that capitalism, with its technological development, has not been an advance toward freedom but has been an enormous setback of freedom.

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Tracy Thompson

Reality is rarely what we imagine. Great and noble things do not always happen for great and noble reasons.

Happen, Imagination, Noble, Reality, Things
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I don't know when the idea of suicide first occurred to me. In some ways, it had been in the back of my mind for years. Yet, oddly, I would never have thought of it as an option. It was the perceived lack of options-the final, unacceptable solution to a grave and insoluble dilemma. I had always thought of it in the same way: If all else fails, if I have nowhere else to turn, I can do this.

Dilemma, Insoluble, Lack, Suicidal, Suicide, Years

Even at this stage, my preparations were like strapping on a parachute in an airplane that was about to crash; the whole time I was preparing to hurl myself out the door, I clung to the hope that something would happen at the last minute to forestall that terrible necessity I felt-not hostility, as psychiatric texts would say, or vengeful rage, or a desire for attention. This was done in secret, out of a need to alleviate pain which was as implacable as thirst.

Airplane, Implacable, Pain, Suicidal, Whole

The anxiety was like poison ivy. It took nothing to set off that mental itch-a chance remark, remembering an event from the day before-but once it started I found it impossible to stop the cycle. My thoughts twisted in a circle, my pulse hammered, I couldn't concentrate.

Anxiety, Circles, Impossible, Ivy, Poison, Thoughts

Better to inflict pain on myself than to let other people do it.

Inflict, Let, Pain, People, Self Injury

I yearned to get better; I told myself I was getting better. In fact, the depression was still there, like a powerful undertow. Sometimes it grabbed me, yanked me under; other times, I swam free.

Depression, Get Better, Powerful, Swam, Told
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