Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. … - Daniel Handler

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Women? Women are like. . . thunderstorms. They're beautiful to look at, and sometimes they're nice to listen to-but most of the time they're just plain inconvenient.

Daniel Handler

Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. " "But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.

Christmas, Different, Tell, Together, Tree

Same Author Quotes

Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.

Gold, Hundreds, Mean, Steal, Traditional, Years

Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.

Writing, Men, Tales, Down, Dead

It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.

Black, Covered, Darker, Panthers, Sea

If I were to say, "Yes, I am a fascinating, erudite person," what would that say about me? I don't know.

Persons, Fascinating, Knows, Yes, Erudite

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!

Ask, Hopeful, Optimism, Say, Voice