The public can have no rights springing from injustice to others.
I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.
My kids are always awake. It's they're taking shifts. 'Alright, I'll annoy 'em from midnight to. Who wants to ?'
After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!
I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to do material that makes people laugh at the expense of making other people feel bad - not to say I'm not guilty of that at times. . . . I try and make humor out of the really important issues of the day, like Hot Pockets and elevators and not wanting to get out of bed.
I married a woman who loves to camp, and I am what you would call "indoorsy". . . My wife always brings up, "Camping's a tradition in my family. " Hey, it was a tradition in everyone's family 'til we came up with the house.
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.
Sometimes I get scared that I’m going to enter a web address into Twitter thinking it was my browser. That would be bad.
It's difficult to be at events with a room full of women who weigh half as much as you do.
It's true, I don't like the whole cutoff-shorts-and-T-shirt look, but I think you can look fantastic in casual clothes.
I went to college to study hospitality. I quickly got out of that and realized that what I liked to do was write.