Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see … - Greg Fitzsimmons

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I used to jokingly say, "I don't teach art. I'm an art doctor. " Students come to me and say, "My art's sick," and we help them make it well.

Greg Fitzsimmons

Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see a fat guy in a tank top - nine degrees, he's sweatin'. Look at 'Titanic,' remember the boat goes into the icy cold waters? Little skinny Leonardo: dead. Final scene, Kathy Bates on a rowboat, coat open, eating a hotdog.

Boat, Guy, Littles, Sweatin, Titanic, Water

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The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

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Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn't rescuing a man from a homeless shelter be, in fact, more humane?

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Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

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My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved to New York in 1920. They used to beat him up because his name was Florence. He had to switch his name to Frank. And then this Christmas, he made an announcement - he goes, 'I'm switching me name back to Florence. ' And we beat him up, 'cause it's a dumb name and he's old and weak and it was easy.

Dumb, Frank, Names, New York, Switch, Used

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

Guy, Guys, Hummer, Ifs, Small, Want