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There's no workman, whatsoever he be, That may both work well and hastily.

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Jimmy Fallon

The Senate has passed a new bill that requires TV stations to lower the volume level on commercials. This is great, a hundred of the most powerful people in the nation have managed to do the same thing my remote does.

Commercials, Doe, People, Powerful, Remote
Same Author Quotes

. . . Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.

Amazing, Dad, Exciting, Father, Happened

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.

Happiness, Happy, Success

I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth.

Baby, Dad, Fun, Happy, Think

Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Journey, Long, Shells, Surviving, Taco

According to a new report, since he's been governor, Chris Christie has spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Now, I know it seems like the perfect story for a Chris Christie joke but I'm actually on a Chris Christie joke diet. So nothing for me, thanks.

Diet, Governor, Perfect, Report, Stories, Thanks
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