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I've nothing against anyone following their dreams - but not if they're crap.

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Ellen DeGeneres

The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique.

People, Steve, Successful, Unique, Woody
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Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.

Being Yourself, Earth, Inspirational, Soul, Success, Truth

The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.

Everyone, Happy, Key To Happiness, Keys, Realizing, Thing

Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost.

Follow, Funny Inspirational, Funny Motivational, Graduation, Lost, Path

If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.

Ifs, Say, Saying Thank You, Says, Thank, Weird

Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.

Asking, Chopstick, Men, Sex, Woman
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