I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!
If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.
Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.
All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.
My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!
It seems a shallow observation, but. . . the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?
The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.
As far as I have seen, at school. . . they aimed at blotting out one's individuality.
I haven't, in the 23 years that I have been in the uniformed services of the United States of America, ever violated an order - not one.
As wonderful as they were, my parents didn't teach me anything about self-discipline, concentration, patience, or focus. If I hadn't had a family myself, I probably never would've done anything. Marriage taught me responsibility.
Contentment makes a poor person rich and discontent makes a rich person poor.