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How is it possible that our parents lied to us?" "Lets see: Santa, the Tooth Fairy,the Easter bunny,um, God. You're the prettiest kid in school. This wont hurt a bit. Your face will freeze like that. . . " "Everythings going to be alright.

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Artie Lange

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.

College, Say, Think, Thinking, Voice, Way
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Life, Part, Whiskey

A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.

Baseball, Couple, Like, Ruth, Sports, Years

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

Gps, Mike, Tyson, Use, Voice

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

Cool, Drug, Drugs, Ems, Hate

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Drink, Drinking, Point, Sometimes
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