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During bomb drills, we students were told to crouch under our desks. Apparently the desks used in classrooms in the fifties were made of an exceptionally missile-resistant variety of wood. During the Cold War years I often wondered why it never occurred to our defense planners to protect the entire nation from nuclear attack by simply covering it, from sea to shining sea, with a huge Strategic Classroom Desk.

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Jessica Simpson

When I walk through an airport and people go, 'You're not fat!' I'm like, 'Thanks. That's great. Good to know I'm not fat today! Thank you!'

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People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it's because you're sweating to death.

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It's so much baby and so much amniotic fluid, it's crazy. If we have a 10 pounder, pray for me!

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Every tear should live its purpose. Don't ever wipe the reason away.

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I loved everything about marriage. I loved having a companion to wake up with and have barbecues with. But things happen and people grow apart.

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I had a dream that she put her foot through my belly button and I was playing this little piggy went to the market just with her toes, just her foot was sticking out of my belly button and it was completely normal!

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