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Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

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Tracy Morgan

I can't watch American Idol. . . it's like karaoke without the booze.

American, Booze, Funny, Idols, Watch, Watches
Same Author Quotes

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

Baste, Pull, Reality, Sense Of Humor, Turkey, Turkeys

And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

Beautiful, Black, Butterfly, Cocoon

They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining.

Chair, House, Invite, Mouth, Opportunity, Thinking

Don't follow in my footsteps. Be original, and create your own path. Be a trailblazer! Do you! Be better than me. Do you! Be happy and have joy in your life.

Follow, Joy, Path, Trailblazers

Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

Light, News, Speed, Travels
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