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Whatsoever thy birth, thou were a beautiful thought and softly bodied forth.

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Andy Kindler

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.

Bait, Jimmy, Like, Roots, Watch, Watches
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People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?

Face, Giving, People, Pie, Rupert, Sumner

Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.

Bill, Bills, Kids, Maher, Practice, Times

I don't believe in burning holy books, but I am organizing a protest. I'll be burning all my Dennis Miller VHS cassettes as a special protest. I don't want to hear the introduction 'you may have seen our next comedian on the Hannity show'.

Believe, Book, Comedian, Introduction, Vhs

Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.

Clean, Entire, Felt, Switched, Syringes

I get some acting jobs. I like it other than the constant slipping in and out of character.

Acting, Character, Constant, Jobs
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