Every provisional political set-up following a revolution requires a dictatorship, and an energetic dictatorship at that.
Women put guys through tests all the time.
You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?
I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.
Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove.
My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing. I power wash everything: my wife, the mailman with the f-cking mail, power wash his ass, f-ck my mail up, I don't care.
You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.
This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted.
Some of my oldest friends are actors. But that's not the only place my friends come from.
The great problem of the concert hall is that the shoebox is the ideal shape for acoustics but that no architect worth their names wants to build a shoebox.
Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.