There are three ways of learning golf: by study, which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which is the most fallacious; and by experience, which is the most bitter.
It should almost be a prerequisite to play Castle Stuart before you're allowed to design golf courses nowadays.
I am very proud of the fact I do not cheat when I'm playing golf.
In golf, you have to stay patient and calm. On the race track you can let loose, but in golf you can't and you must be calm.
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
That's another thing about my father. He made me very conscious of the fact I wasn't very good and I had to prove to him that I was good. And that hung with me, and I always wanted to play golf with him and show him. He said Never, Never tell anyone how good you are. Show them!
The less said about the putter the better. Here is an instrument of torture, designed by Tantalus and forged in the devil's own smithy.
Putting is like wisdom - partly a natural gift and partly the accumulation of experience.
Golf is an indispensable adjunct to high civilisation.
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.
That was a great game of golf, fellers.
Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead.
I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf.
If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them.
There are very few sports where you can find that tranquility. Some people find that in golf, but when you're in the water it's such a difference from the golf course or the basketball court. That's what makes surfing unique over any other sport.
When I have a match to play, I begin to relax as soon as I wake up. Everything I do, I do slow and easy. That goes for stroking the razor, getting dressed, and eating my breakfast. I'm practically in slow motion. By the time I'm ready to tee off, I'm so used to taking my time that it's impossible to hurry my swing.
The party of Lincoln and Liberty was transmogrified into the party of hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, misanthropic frat boys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons. . . . Republicans: The No. 1 reason the rest of the world thinks we're deaf, dumb, and dangerous.
There is no movement in the golf swing so difficult that it cannot be made even more difficult by careful study and diligent practice.
Golf has humbled, humiliated, and just about licked all the great athletes who tried it.
To find a man's true character, play golf with him.