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A. P. Herbert Biography

Sir Alan Patrick Herbert CH (24 September 1890 – 11 November 1971), usually known as A. P. Herbert or simply A. P. H., was an English humorist, novelist, playwright and law reform activist who served as an Independent Member of Parliament (MP) for Oxford University from the 1935 general election to the 1950 general election, when university constituencies were abolished.

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A. P. Herbert Quotes

Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.

Business, Drain, Giving Money, Government, Money

Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.

Difficult, God, Made, Rose, See, Thee

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

Admired, Anniversary, Concept, Funny, Lack, Life

For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.

Save, Tonight, World, Write, Writing

This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.

Board, Boards, High, Sea, Trade

Elderly gentlemen, gentle in all respects, kind to animals, beloved by children, and fond of music, are found in lonely corners of the downs, hacking at sandpits or tussocks of grass, and muttering in a blind, ungovernable fury elaborate maledictions which could not be extracted from them by robbery or murder. Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable.

Blind, Children, Extracted, Golf, Lonely, Music

A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.

Men, Opportunist, Political, Political Opinions, Years

Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!

Money, War, Silly, Heard, Start

Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!

Cry, Eye, Light, Night, Old, Saturday

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

Built, England, Funny, Humor, Man, Men

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.

Breakfast, Critical, Marriage, Matrimony, Period, Time

There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.

Appreciated, Fifth, Play, Reason Why, Symphony

The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more likely to do wrong than other men if he is given the chance.

Chance, Constitution, Kings, Likely, Men

Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.

Dog, Dogs, Mother, Tonight

If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

Descend, Learning, Life, Said, Science, Talking

Let's stop somebody from doing something! Everybody does too much.

Doe, Everybody, Somebody, Stop, Too Much

Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.

Citizens, Crimes, Pain, Pains, Police

The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.

Essence, Laughing, Punch, Surprise

The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.

Appeal, Care, Considerable, Depravity, Men, Portions

Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.

Cheap, Expensive, Judging, Justice, Should

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