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Bonnie McFarlane Biography

Bonnie McFarlane

Bonnie McFarlane (born March 28, 1973, in Cold Lake, Alberta) is a Canadian-American comedian and writer. She is best known for appearing on the second season of the TV reality show Last Comic Standing and for co-hosting the podcast My Wife Hates Me with her husband, comedian Rich Vos.

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Bonnie McFarlane Quotes

I think it's creepy if a guy says, I would never hit a girl. Cause that should go without saying. That's like if you ever heard a guy go, I would never crap in a hot tub.

Cause, Girl, Guy, Hit, Like, Thinking

If you really are superior, you don't go around saying you're superior - unless you're Jewish.

Ifs, Jewish, Saying, Superior, Superiors, Unless

Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it Lesbian or Midwestern?

Area, Game, Games, Lesbian, People, Play

I could never be a lesbian because I have a really good sense of humor.

Good Sense, Good Sense Of Humor, Humor, Lesbian, Sense, Sense Of Humor

Well I grew up in Canada in a really small town. We didn't have running water for a long time and we didn't have TV. Then when we did get TV we only had one channel.

Canada, Channel, Long, Running, Town, Water

I've always wanted to be a writer. Always been very creative. I always laughed at things that the rest of my family would sort of get angry, like not understand.

Creative, Laughed, My Family, Sort, Understand, Wanted

There's no such thing as a feminist - just women who pay for their own breast implants.

Feminist, Pay, Breasts, Women, Breast

My sister might be dumb, but that doesn't make her all that different from the rest of us. She's just like any other American. Except she's Canadian. And retarded.

American, Different, Dumb, Like, Make, Might

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby. . . because he's Jewish and I'm Protestant and the baby's father is Catholic.

Baby, Father, Husband, Issue

Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.

Thinking, People, Weird Things, Everyone, Trotting

I still don't really know what my style is. I like a lot of different kinds of comedy, I like watching it and I like being inventive and original. That's the problem with doing a longer set - you can't do every joke that you have because some stuff contradicts other stuff. Even when you know that the audience knows that you're joking and it's not true, you still can't do a joke about your family dying and then later talk about your Mom. I mean you want to keep some kind of cohesive order going.

Different, Joke, Knows, Mean, Mom, Order

I don't think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was I should cut my bangs.

Cut, Cutting, Guy, Mirrored, Think, Thinking

When you're pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this one woman came up and she said, I have one word for you: epidural. And I was like, Oh my God, thanks. But we already picked a name.

Came, Giving, God, Names, People

When I first started doing stand-up, I would be so nervous that I would just binge drink really heavily right before my sets, and as you can imagine, that had its drawbacks. But now I'm a professional, so I pace myself throughout the day.

Firsts, Heavily, Pace, Right, Would Be

You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be successful as a woman.

Successful, Needs, Looking Good, Crap, Like

I saw the head of NOW - National Organization of Women - saying that women still only make 70 cents on the dollar to every man. I'm not sure I'm going to believe that. Women are notoriously bad at math.

Believe, Cents, Math, Men, Women

Cocaine is yucky. I did it once: I was at a party; I was bored. I was like, 'Alright, I'll do a line. ' Then I was just bored longer.

Alright, Bored, Like, Lines, Party

My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She's a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard. I learned a long time ago that if you're going to tell a story about your retarded sister, you need to mention she's retarded right off the bat or inevitably, at the end of the story, someone will say, What. . . is she, retarded? And then you have to go, Uh. . . yeah, she is. Followed by a lengthy, awkward silence.

Long, Silence, Awkward, Followed, Cent

When I first got into this biz called show, I decided I was going to change my name, make it more Hollywood. And you know how you do that? You take your middle name and the first street that you ever lived on. So when I first started, I actually went by Sue Rural Route 2.

Firsts, Hollywood, Middle, Names, Route, Rural

When one door closes another door opens. Usually a refrigerator.

Break Up, Broken Heart, Closes, Door, Encouraging, Refrigerator