Top Daniel Tosh Quotes - Quotesmemo.com

Daniel Tosh Biography

Daniel Dwight Tosh (born May 29, 1975) is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials.

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Daniel Tosh Quotes

The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.

Cat, Dog, Thing, World

Real patriotism is realizing America sucks, but everywhere else is a thousand times worse.

America, Everywhere, Real, Realizing, Sucks

Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?

Chance, Everyone, Ifs, Maybe, Perfect, Second Chance

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.

Cheater, Cheaters, Funny Irish, Get Away, Prosper, Unless

Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

Fall, Groups, Husband, Men, Women

I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but (my dad) is pretty supportive. He's knows I'm just an idiot, so I think that softens it a little bit.

Dad, Pretty, Rebellion, Supportive, Thinking

Racing does to white guys what movies do to black guys.

Black, Guy, Movies, White

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob. '

Bob, God, People, Sports, Think, Thinking

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like their ethnic background?

Background, Ethnic, Funny, Like, Taste, Thinking

If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

Interest, Movie, Offers, Roles, Starring

Sure I may look adjusted, but I can't function in normal society because most of you are too stupid.

Adjusted, Look, Looks, May, Society, Stupid

The only thing surfers have in common with the rest of America is they're unemployed and they love crystal meth.

America, Common, Crystals, Meth, Rest

Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party.

Losing, Names, Party, Revamped, Tea

The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a 'famous person'.

Hardest, Person, Persons, Showbusiness, Working

I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

Cut, Cutting, Look, Looks, Personality, Stretch

Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.

Bill, Bills, Hicks, Huge, I Love Him, Love

If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

Giants, Men, Overrun, Planet, Spiders, Would Be

A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.

Dentist, Downstairs, Gynecologist, Gynecologists, Mouths

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.

Cold, Funny, Girlfriend, Maybe, Water

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all

Dies, Life, Screws, Virgins

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