Mason Cooley (1927 – July 25, 2002) was an American aphorist known for his witty aphorisms. One of these such aphorisms Cooley developed was "The time I kill is killing me."
To be successful be ahead of your time, but only a little.
Mortality: not acquittal but a series of postponements is what we hope for.
Doubt is long-winded. Certainty is brief.
Desire is wakeful; satisfaction dozes.
Many pains are imaginary, but all joys are real.
The Muses inspire art and pretend not to notice when Mammon buys it.
The language of pornography is abusive, that of romance adoring. Both are addressed to a fetish.
Wit: a whim followed by a wham.
Learned researches lead to headaches, constipation, and befuddled quarreling.
Young girls giggle with nervous delight at the erections they inspire.
Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better.
The Media: bold sex and violence, timid politics and morals.
Small successes are still successes; great failures are still failures.
The wisdom of age: don't stop walking.
Boast quietly, with decorum.
I keep renaming my motives, but continue doing the same things.
Irony regards every simple truth as a challenge.
If you insist on asking me why I feel the way I do, I plan to take the Fifth Amendment.
The gods are watching, but idly, yawning.
I keep eating for fear I will be hungry.