The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures … - David Letterman

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I just wanted to be a good comic and had no sense of show business, but at some point you want the opportunity to write a show about your life.

David Letterman

The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It's voted by members of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Or as I call them, 50 shades of white.

Academy, Art, Awards, Shades, Sunday, White

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Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking. "

Destination, Driver, Funny, Hitchhiking, Humor, New York

George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.

Hardware, Mix, Next Week, Paint, Tonight, Watching

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

Inspirational, People, Sharing, Strangers, Tires, Two

I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, who was going to blow up the plane. He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic. . . . Guy was not too bright. He said that the reason he became a suicide bomber was to work his way up in the al Qaeda organization.

Mean, Nigerian, Organization, Suicide, Think, Thinking

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

Business, Businesses, Like, Office Work, Several, Shows

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Tom Hardy

If I am duly compared to Marlon Brando at all, well, I can only think of The Teahouse of the 'Shanghai Noon,' that they're comparing me to that!

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Cyril Connolly

In the dream of approaching forty I saw myself as about to die and realized that I was no longer myself, but a creature inhabited entirely by parasites, as a caterpillar is occupied by the grubs of the ichneumon fly. Gin, whisky, sloth, fear, guilt, tobacco, had made themselves my inquilines; alcohol sloshed about within, while tendrils of melon and vine grew out of ears and nostrils; my mind was a worn gramophone record, my true self was such a ruin as to seem non-existent, and all this had happened in the last three years.

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Charles Bass

Most of the major increases in the debt ceiling have been accompanied by structural changes in the way we raise and spend money.

Ceilings, Debt, Way, Money, Accompanied

Gautama Buddha

There is, monks, an unborn, unbecome, unmade, unconditioned. If, monks, there were no unborn. . . no escape would be discerned from what is born, become, made, conditioned. But because there is an unborn. . . , therefore an escape is discerned from what is born, become, made, conditioned.

Become, Born, Escape, Monk, Unmade, Would Be

Marc Maron