I am very, very grateful to have the best and most supportive fans ever.
I appreciate that the New York Daily News will show dead bodies but blur the cover of a French parody magazine. Just out of respect, right guys?
While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.
The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far as I’m concerned, if you make $2 million a week and you don’t have a hooker in your hotel room, you’re creepy and I don’t trust you. And I don’t do drugs at all, so for me it would just be more prostitutes. That’s how they would find me. I would be dead on the floor, flattened by a pile of prostitutes. I’d look like a cat in a hoarders’ house.
I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
My father is a practicing criminal law attorney in the Seattle area.
I wanted to write a new fable and see how many rules you could break.
Elegance is the balance between PROPORTION, EMOTION & SURPRISE.
I'm going to marry you one day, you know. " "Is that a promise?" "If you want it to be.