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Every once in a while, a revolutionary product comes along that changes everything.

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Mike Birbiglia

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

Baby, Fan, Funny, Humor, Size, Year
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I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Dated, Girl, Littles, Met, Thinking, Used

I think if anything, the fact that it's popular right now makes me go: "Well, I guess I'm going to start doing something else then in the next few years. " I dunno, it almost feels hackneyed at this point. To start a premise by saying, "I did this awkward thing. " But then again, awkwardness and feeling alienated are always going to be a part of comedy. Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.

Thinking, Awkward, Feelings, Guess, Awkwardness, Premise

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

Night, People, Perfect, Saturday, Writers

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Keys, Healthy, Tvs, Eating, Food

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

Funny, Humor, Math, Money, Understand, Woman
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