I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, … - Mitch Hedberg

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Quote of the day

What's good for the United States is good for the New York Stock Exchange. But what's good for the New York Stock Exchange might not be good for the United States.

Mitch Hedberg

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right. '

Cause, College, Funny, Humor, Taken

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I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

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Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

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I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

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When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I think members of the legislature, people who have to run for office, know the connection between money and influence on what laws get passed.

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Zach Wamp

In closing, let me just thank God, on the floor of the House, for not turning away from us even though we seem to be turning away from Him.

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Tricia Helfer

If you're doing live-action, you have to learn how to actually do whatever it is that you're doing. If you're doing voice-over, you can fake it.

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William McChesney Martin

What's good for the United States is good for the New York Stock Exchange. But what's good for the New York Stock Exchange might not be good for the United States.

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Honore de Balzac

If the artist does not fling himself, without reflecting, into his work, as Curtis flung himself into the yawning gulf, as the soldier flings himself into the enemy's trenches, and if, once in this crater, he does not work like a miner on whom the walls of his gallery have fallen in; if he contemplates difficulties instead of overcoming them one by one. . . he is simply looking on at the suicide of his own talent.

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