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We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with procrastination, too. ' I said 'Really?. . . Get my sandwich. '

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Bill Maher

If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain. '

Medicine, Money, Pain, Socialized, Vampire
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Over the last 30 odd years, Democrats have moved to the right and the right has moved into the mental hospital. So what we have is one perfectly good party for hedge fund managers, credit card companies, banks, defense contractors, big agriculture and the pharmaceutical lobby. . . That's the Democrats. And they sit across the aisle from a small group of religious lunatics, flat-earthers and civil war re-enactors who mostly communicate by AM radio and call themselves the Republicans and who actually worry that Obama is a socialist. Socialist? He's not even a liberal.

Across, Civil, Hospital, Party, Religious, War

The Founding Fathers were more deists. If you had to categorize them as anything. There was some sort of moving prime force. But it's an impersonal force. Some people call it Nature. Certainly not this personal god who you have a personal relationship with, who listens to your prayers and answers them, or doesn't. You know, not the silly stuff that most Americans believe because we're such a dumb nation.

Believe, Father, God, Personal, Prayer, Prime

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

America, Axes, Brilliance, People, Stupidity, True

If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.

Believe, Cuts, Jesus, Migrants, War

In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in the Vatican, wouldn't there be a greater outcry among liberals?

Among, Country, Gay, Heads, Penalty, People
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