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A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.

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Merrill Markoe

our culture is definitely the eighth grade. It's run by eighth-grade boys, and the way these boys show a girl they like her is by humiliating her and making her cry.

Boys, Eighth, Girl, Running, Way
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I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

Dog, Sadness, Ceilings, Angst, Scanning

I always hated those classic kid movies like Old Yeller or The Yearling where the beloved pet dies. What would be so wrong with having those damn kids learn their lessons about mortality from watching Grandpa kick? Then at least the dog would be around to comfort them.

Dog, Grandpa, Kid, Kids, Learn, Lessons

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

Ask, First Date, Firsts, Man, Men, Questions

My goal was always getting my work out in the world, and in many ways, I feel like the luckiest person alive.

Work Out, Goal, Alive, Person, World

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

Eventually, Men, Real, Want
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