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A dog can have a friend; he has affections and character, he can enjoy equally the field and the fireside; he dreams, he caresses, he propitiates; he offends, and is pardoned; he stands by you in adversity; he is a good fellow.

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Jackie Mason

There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

Republican, Schmucks, Democratic, Ones
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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man?. . . Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.

Guy, Man, Men, Shapes, Stand, Women

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

Applies, Contempt, Disrespect, People, Schmuck, Schmucks

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

Accountants, Accounts, Away, Payable, Ran

The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.

Higher, Hypocrite, Immorality, Levels, Negativity, Problem

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Accountant, Accountants, Hear, Kid, Kids, Wanted
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