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The older you get, the more you understand how your conscience works. The biggest and only critic lives in your perception of people's perception of you rather than people's perception of you.

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Spike Milligan

If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.

Die, Dies, Eat, Hunger, Ifs
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Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

Joke, Laughing, Singing, Spent, Told, Years

One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?

Day, Funny, Humor, Knows, One Day

General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike:. . . Well, all of me.

General, London, Part, Spike, Wells
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