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Anybody can be a rapper, but not anybody can be a classical artist.

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Eddie Izzard

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for f-k all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.

Cupboard, Empire, Europe, Flan, Spain, Turkeys
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I remember when I was being told about Watergate, and I thought, "Oh, America is not what I think America is. " But America is what I think it is. It's just that it's two bits of it, and I don't go with the Republican bit of it. I go more with the Democratic bit.

America, Remember, Republican, Thinking, Told, Two

I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees putting on make-up when you're up there!

Running, Jumping, Climbing, Trees, Action

I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that’s embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It’s the end of your life.

Causes, Fall, Heels, Running, Transvestite, Wearing

I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

Religion, Stories, Talk, Think, Thinking, Trying

It's not a bloody piano, it's a clarenARt. . . you weird talking person.

Music, Piano, Talking, Weird
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