To the counsell of fooles a woodden bell.
I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
And let that day be lost to us on which we did not dance once! And let that wisdom be false to us that brought no laughter with it!
You can't do it all. No one can have two full-time jobs, have perfect children and cook three meals and be multi-orgasmic 'til dawn. . . Superwoman is the adversary of the women's movement.
And then, I do love my shopping, but actually, lounging is the big thing.
You can make money, you can lose money in Africa. But opportunities, boy oh boy, they exist.