The only thing worth having in an earthly existence is a sense of humor.
The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven't yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.
Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race
There is only one basic human right: the right to do as you please, without causing others harm. With it comes our only basic human duty: the duty to accept the consequences of our actions.
Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about.
There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself.
You read [Bill ] Maher's book, and he didn't take Econ 101. All his arguments about gasoline, it's not that they're right or wrong - they're just not informed.
Pocahontas, look at me, I'd rather die tomorrow than live 100 years without knowing you.
I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.
And here, I believe, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies in desiring another to kiss your a-- for having just before threatened to kick his; for I have observed very accurately, that no one ever desires you to kick that which belongs to himself, nor offers to kiss this part in another.
How precious you are in my life. I am forever grateful that God sent an angel to me. I love you most dearly.