Life is but a momentary glimpse of the wonder of this astonishing universe, and it is sad to see so many dreaming it away on spiritual fantasy.
If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '
You know in cartoons, the way someone can run off a cliff and they're fine, they don't fall down until they look down? My mom always said that was the secret of life. Never look down. But it's more than that. It's not just about looking. It's about never realizing that you're in the middle of the air and you don't know how to fly.
Somebody is always hiding something.
The dangerous falls were the ones that happened so fast you didn't have time to react
What matter the colour of the collar around a man's neck, if the chains linked to them were identical?