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Life is but a momentary glimpse of the wonder of this astonishing universe, and it is sad to see so many dreaming it away on spiritual fantasy.

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Jeff Foxworthy

If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.

Fish, Might, Redneck, Wall
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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

Car, Home, Inspirational, Redneck, Wheels

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.

Baby, Cleaners, Funny, Humor, Living, Smell

A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon. '

Thinking, Told, Ufo, Up North, Weather

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Baby, Bernard, Cat, Coming, Dog, Funny

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. '

Dang, Family, Feelings, Funny, Know, Minutes
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