Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. - Woody Allen

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I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that.

Woody Allen

Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.

Beats, Hell, Speak, Tells, Waitressing

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Eighty percent of success is showing up.

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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.

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Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed.

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Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one.

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Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

Continue, Errors, Funny, Keyboard, Life, Press

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And Communist Russia was so bad because they followed their people, they snooped on them, they arrested them, they put them in secret prisons, they disappeared them.

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I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, of which there is so much, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens. When innocent people suffer because our political system lacks the will or the courage or the basic decency to enforce our laws or, still worse, has sold out to some corporate lobbyists for cash, I am not able to look the other way. And I won't look the other way.

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