Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
I don't get no respect
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
America does not need gorgeous halls and concert rooms for its musical development, but music schools with competent teachers, and many, very many, free scholarships for talented young disciples who are unable to pay the expense of study.
The instant I reach Heaven, I'm going to speak to God very sharply.
When I run a business, and I run a business, if I don't take advantage of the five deductions that are available to me, even if you think those deductions are unfair, then I've violated my fiduciary duty.
I'm not an actress, you know. I don't know what's going on. And I'm supposed to be the villain.