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My senior year I was basically supporting myself, so it was like, Do you want to eat and pay the rent, or do you want to go to school? I wanted to eat and pay the rent.

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Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

Boy, Clever, Funny, Play, Poor, Smart
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Beauty, Crazy, Funny, Okay, Told

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Dead, Dog, Play, Roll, Wife

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Finger, Know, Mouths, Sticks, Ugly

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Funny, Kid, Moved, Moving, Parents, Pregnancy

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

Cook, Dental Floss, Floss, Kitchen, Roaches, Wife
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